Lingering Lies

Lingering Lies: The Persistent Influence of Misinformation

The Brain Holds on to False Facts, Even After They Have Been Retracted

After people realize the facts have been fudged, they do their best to set the record straight: judges tell juries to forget misleading testimony; newspapers publish errata. But even explicit warnings to ignore misinformation cannot erase the damage done, according to a new study from the University of Western Australia.

Psychologists asked college stu­dents to read an account of an ac­cident involving a busload of elderly passengers. The students were then told that, actually, those on the bus were not elderly. For some students, the information ended there. Others were told the bus had in fact been transporting a college hockey team. And still others were warned about what psychologists call the continued influence of misinformation—that people tend to have a hard time ig­noring what they first heard, even if they know it is wrong—and that they should be extra vigilant about getting the story straight.

Students who had been warned about misinformation or given the alternative story were less likely than control subjects to make inferences using the old information later—but they still erred sometimes, agreeing with statements such as “the pas­sengers found it difficult to exit the bus because they were frail.”

This result shows that “even if you understand, remember and believe the retractions, this misinformation will still affect your inferences,” says Western Australia psychologist Ullrich Ecker, an author of the study. Our mem­ory is constantly connecting new facts to old and tying different aspects of a situation together, so that we may still unconsciously draw on facts we know to be wrong to make decisions later. “Memory has evolved to be both stable and flexible,” Ecker says, “but that also has a downside.” [For more on how memory relies on connections and makes inferences, see “Making Connections,” by Anthony J. Greene;Scientific American Mind, July/August 2010.]

After reading this highly interesting article, I couldn't help but apply the information to children who have been victims of Parental Alienation and wonder if those children can ever truly heal from the misinformation that has been told to them about the target parent by the alienating parent.

From my experience, it is incredibly difficult for a child to be torn between the misinformation they are given by the alienating parent concerning the target parent, and the reality they experience while in the care of the target parent.  I have witnessed the destruction it does to a child, mentally, firsthand. The child's trust in not only the target parent, but also the alienating parent, is shattered. The child is fed negative, misinformation about the target parent on a constant basis, and everything the child does with the target parent is twisted into something negative, and met with disapproval from the alienating parent. The deterioration of trust starts with the target parent because the child is being given the misinformation from a person/people he/she loves and trusts, and the child either believes the misinformation, despite the child's reality contradicting the misinformation, or participates as a coping or survival method. The deterioration of trust continues to the alienating parent because the alienating parent continues to 'force' the child to visit the target parent, who they have led the child to believe is bad. The child is caught in a whirlwind of contradictions, and that whirlwind becomes his/her life.

We also know that brainwashing a child and implanting false memories into a child's mind are entirely possible. In cases of implanted, false memories of abuse, the memories and feelings about the abuse are very real to the child, even though the incident or incidents never really happened. If the child is told that the false, alleged abuse is false information and a false memory, and the child accepts and understands that, what happens next? Would the child be able to prevent the misinformation from determining how he/she reacts toward the target parent, or will those feelings associated with implanted memories and misinformation always be strong enough to affect the child's ability to form or maintain a strong bond with the target parent?

This is a very perplexing and disturbing psychological issue when it comes to battling PAS. I am going to email Dr. Warshak to see if I can get further insight on this issue, and will update the post once I get a response.

Losing a Child to Parental Alienation

The agony of losing a child to Parental Alienation is, in my opinion, worse than it would be to lose a child to death. In saying that, I am in no way minimizing the grief a parent experiences when their child passes away. To lose a child, by any means, is to lose an irreplaceable part of yourself.

Death is accepted as a natural part of life. Everybody lives, and everybody dies. Although it is unnatural for a child to die, especially in cases of accidents that are impossible to prepare for, death is still a natural occurance in life and one that we have to deal with many times over throughout our lives.  There is nothing natural about a parent and child being deprived of a normal, loving relationship.

Many times when a child looses their life, they are a victim, but once death takes place the child does not continue to suffer. When a parent loses a child to Parental Alienation, that child remains a victim and suffers from the severing of the once loving parent/child bond for the rest of their life. Many people are able to find at least some solace in thoughts of their child in Heaven, or some similar sort of an after life, surrounded by other loved ones who have passed. They know their child can never be hurt or sick ever again. Parents who lose their children to Parental Alienation do not know when their child is hurt, sick, cold, hungry, lonely, sad or crying. They have to live without knowing a single detail of their child's life, and they have to live with knowing that their child is in the care of the alienating parent who does not have the emotional maturity to realize the psychological scarring their alienating tactics leave on their child. 

Many people, by the time they have lost their child, have been through the grieving process of losing a loved one and have firm religious beliefs about death. Most religious beliefs have scriptures that help with the grieving process. No religion denounces the sanctity of a loving parent/child relationship, and many times it is hard to find a support system with people who can relate to your situation.

There is finality in death, closure. You know that your child is gone and is never coming back. When you lose your child to alienation, there is never any closure. You're left hanging in limbo, unable to completely let go, but also unable to continue the fight that leaves you emotionally exhausted. Even if the parent/child relationship is recovered successfully, they are never able to get back the time lost. When a child dies, their parents never get to hear their child say 'I love you' ever again, however sometimes they take solace in going to their child's place of rest and talking with them. Many people believe that, even though their child is gone from this Earth, they can still hear them. With alienation, a parent also does not get to hear their child say 'I love you.' Instead, they hear 'I hate you,' or they hear nothing at all. They do not have a symbolic place to visit their child, and they know that their child cannot hear them if they talk to them. Not only can they not physically hear them, but they are unable to mentally hear them through the hatred they have been taught for so long. Your child's love for you is dead, but yours for them continues on, unconditionally and unwelcome.

 Losing your child is an unimaginable, undescribable pain, but losing your physical child and your child's love, unnecessarily, because of another person's personal agenda magnifies the grief. The knowledge that your child is out there in the world and sometimes, as in my case, three houses down, yet still unreachable, goes beyond any pain in this world. Losing a child to alienation is the equivalent of having a wound that never scabs over. It is left raw, open and bleeding, and never heals because there is no natural closure. In death, a parent is forced to accept that their child is gone and never coming back. In alienation, it is impossible to accept the notion because your child is alive. It is impossible to accept the pain, knowing there is absolutely no feasible reason for it, no natural, understandable reason such as death to explain why you have to spend your life without your child.

Hindsight is 20 20

After being so angry, bitter and hurting so bad for so long over missing out on so much of my baby girl's life, I'm realizing that there are serious, complicated issues that surround Parental Alienation Syndrome, and that a lot of times, the way the target parent reacts to the situation can improve the situation or make it worse. In understanding alienation, I am forced to take responsibility for mishandling situations that I should have handled completely differently with my daughter, no matter how hard it is to swallow. Hindsight is 20 20.

Also, when you take time to understand the issues the alienator is suffering from that cause them to alienate their own child from the other parent, it's hard to not be sympathetic to a point. In a sense, it makes them appear more relatable as a person, albeit with serious issues, rather than a monster who is hurting your child, yourself and your entire family. All you can do is empower yourself with the knowledge you need to rectify the situation with your child(ren), and use the tools you learn to reverse the alienation process and stop it in it's tracks. When you make the choice to become proactive instead of defensive or passive in this kind of situation, you'll become amazed at the transformation in yourself & your outlook on life.

Once you begin to understand the Alienation process from a child's point of view and the position the alienating parent puts the child in, psychologically, it certainly helps you to be more receptive to the things that your child says and avoid being crushed by the hatred that the child expresses, even if he/she does not really feel that way, inside.

For anybody dealing with divorce issues with children, custody issues or what you feel like may be Parental Alienation, I HIGHLY recommend the book, 'Divorce Poison' by Dr. Richard A. Warshak.

As always, I do welcome all feedback and comments.