The agony of losing a child to Parental Alienation is, in my opinion, worse than it would be to lose a child to death. In saying that, I am in no way minimizing the grief a parent experiences when their child passes away. To lose a child, by any means, is to lose an irreplaceable part of yourself.
Death is accepted as a natural part of life. Everybody lives, and everybody dies. Although it is unnatural for a child to die, especially in cases of accidents that are impossible to prepare for, death is still a natural occurance in life and one that we have to deal with many times over throughout our lives. There is nothing natural about a parent and child being deprived of a normal, loving relationship.
Many times when a child looses their life, they are a victim, but once death takes place the child does not continue to suffer. When a parent loses a child to Parental Alienation, that child remains a victim and suffers from the severing of the once loving parent/child bond for the rest of their life. Many people are able to find at least some solace in thoughts of their child in Heaven, or some similar sort of an after life, surrounded by other loved ones who have passed. They know their child can never be hurt or sick ever again. Parents who lose their children to Parental Alienation do not know when their child is hurt, sick, cold, hungry, lonely, sad or crying. They have to live without knowing a single detail of their child's life, and they have to live with knowing that their child is in the care of the alienating parent who does not have the emotional maturity to realize the psychological scarring their alienating tactics leave on their child.
Many people, by the time they have lost their child, have been through the grieving process of losing a loved one and have firm religious beliefs about death. Most religious beliefs have scriptures that help with the grieving process. No religion denounces the sanctity of a loving parent/child relationship, and many times it is hard to find a support system with people who can relate to your situation.
There is finality in death, closure. You know that your child is gone and is never coming back. When you lose your child to alienation, there is never any closure. You're left hanging in limbo, unable to completely let go, but also unable to continue the fight that leaves you emotionally exhausted. Even if the parent/child relationship is recovered successfully, they are never able to get back the time lost. When a child dies, their parents never get to hear their child say 'I love you' ever again, however sometimes they take solace in going to their child's place of rest and talking with them. Many people believe that, even though their child is gone from this Earth, they can still hear them. With alienation, a parent also does not get to hear their child say 'I love you.' Instead, they hear 'I hate you,' or they hear nothing at all. They do not have a symbolic place to visit their child, and they know that their child cannot hear them if they talk to them. Not only can they not physically hear them, but they are unable to mentally hear them through the hatred they have been taught for so long. Your child's love for you is dead, but yours for them continues on, unconditionally and unwelcome.
Losing your child is an unimaginable, undescribable pain, but losing your physical child and your child's love, unnecessarily, because of another person's personal agenda magnifies the grief. The knowledge that your child is out there in the world and sometimes, as in my case, three houses down, yet still unreachable, goes beyond any pain in this world. Losing a child to alienation is the equivalent of having a wound that never scabs over. It is left raw, open and bleeding, and never heals because there is no natural closure. In death, a parent is forced to accept that their child is gone and never coming back. In alienation, it is impossible to accept the notion because your child is alive. It is impossible to accept the pain, knowing there is absolutely no feasible reason for it, no natural, understandable reason such as death to explain why you have to spend your life without your child.
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